125+ Best Funny Christmas Quotes to Brighten Your Holiday Spirits

As we know Christmas is approaching fast and we all are in the mood to enjoy this Christmas even more than the previous one. We want to welcome this Christmas with full joy. Here is the list of 125 Best Funny Christmas Quotes that you can use to induce Santa’s belly laughs.

You can also share our top 125 Best Funny Christmas Quotes with your family and friends and make them enjoy the holiday season even more with our funny Christmas quotes.

125+ Funny Christmas Quotes

1. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown
2. “Why is Christmas just like another day at the office? You end up doing all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!” – Anonymous
3. “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin
4. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!” – Unknown
5. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite!” – Unknown
6. “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
7. “Christmas is a baby shower that went viral.” – Unknown
8. “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear… or, you know, just buy everyone chocolate.” – Elf
9. “The only time of the year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.” – Unknown
10. “I’m on the naughty list, and I regret nothing!” – Unknown
11. “Christmas: the only time of the year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.” – Unknown
12. “The awkward moment when Santa accidentally sees you changing.” – Unknown
13. “I’m not saying you’re old, but if you were a snowman, I’d be worried about global warming.” – Unknown
14. “Dear Santa, I can explain.” – Unknown
15. “I’m not Santa Claus, but you can still sit on my lap.” – Unknown
16. “This Christmas, give the gift of laughter. It’s the only gift that doesn’t need batteries or assembly!” – Unknown
17. “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Robert Paul
18. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown
19. “Why did Santa go to music school? Because he wanted to improve his wrapping skills!” – Unknown
20. “The four stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus. 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3. You dress up as Santa Claus. 4. You look like Santa Claus.” – Unknown
21. “Why did Santa bring a ladder to Christmas? Because he wanted to go up the chimney, not down!” – Unknown
22. “This Christmas, I’ve decided to put mistletoe in my back pocket. That way, people can kiss my… attitude!” – Unknown
23. “I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode until after Christmas.” – Unknown
24. “Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!” – Unknown
25. “Christmas is the only time of year when people can be convinced that a fat man will come down their chimney and leave presents, but they won’t believe my diet when I tell them!” – Melanie White
26. “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” – Unknown
27. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!” – Unknown
28. “Christmas shopping is a bit like a job: you do all the work, but the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.” – Unknown
29. “I asked Santa for a fat bank account and a thin body. He thought it was easier to give me another plate of cookies.” – Unknown
30. “The best Christmas presents come in the most unexpected shapes: boxes, bags, and envelopes labeled ‘gift cards.'” – Unknown
31. “Why did Santa start a detective agency? Because he was great at ‘claus’ and effect!” – Unknown
32. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red… wine!” – Unknown
33. “Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim!” – Unknown
34. “This Christmas, let’s trade in mistletoe for a GPS. That way, we’ll all get a little holiday direction!” – Unknown
35. “What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!” – Unknown
36. “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese – and a cozy spot by the fireplace.” – Unknown
37. “Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crumby!” – Unknown
38. “My favorite part of Christmas is the presents… until I have to wrap them!” – Unknown
39. “What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!” – Unknown
40. “I’m not saying my family is dysfunctional, but our ‘Christmas card’ could be a mugshot!” – Unknown
41. “Why did Santa bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!” – Unknown
42. “This Christmas, I’ve decided to replace all the bulbs with energy-saving ones. That way, I can save enough energy to unwrap all the presents!” – Unknown
43. “What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!” – Unknown
44. “Why did Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer never get a parking ticket? Because he was always on the ‘no fly’ list!” – Unknown
45. “Why did the Christmas cookie go to therapy? It felt crumbled inside.” – Unknown
46. “Santa’s favorite cereal is ‘Frosted Snowflakes’ because they stay crunchy even in milk – or hot cocoa!” – Unknown
47. “What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap music!” – Unknown
48. “I told my family I wanted a unicorn for Christmas. Now I’m sitting on the couch in a onesie – close enough!” – Unknown
49. “Why did Santa become a gardener? Because he knew how to ‘ho ho ho’ the weeds!” – Unknown
50. “I accidentally wrapped my cat as a Christmas present. Now I can’t get it to ‘un-purr’!” – Unknown
51. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite, and a cold sore!” – Unknown
52. “I asked Santa for a treadmill this Christmas. I guess he misheard because now I have a ‘mistle-toe’!” – Unknown
53. “Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had low ‘elf’ esteem – and a cold!” – Unknown
54. “Christmas is the only time of year when you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks – and call it tradition!” – Unknown
55. “What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!” – Unknown
56. “Dear Santa, I can explain… but I won’t.” – Unknown
57. “Why did the Christmas tree apply for a job? It wanted to branch out!” – Unknown
58. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite and a cold nose!” – Unknown
59. “I’m not saying my family is crazy, but our Christmas stockings double as straitjackets!” – Unknown
60. “Why did the ornament go to school? It wanted to be a little brighter!” – Unknown.
61. “Why did the Christmas tree break up with the ornament? It found someone ‘tinsel’-ating!” – Unknown
62. “This Christmas, I’m putting myself on the nice list. Naughty just looks so much more fun!” – Unknown
63. “What do you call Santa when he loses his pants? Saint Knickerless!” – Unknown
64. “I put my Christmas tree up early this year. Now, the neighbors think I’m a festive overachiever or just really bad at gardening!” – Unknown
65. “Why did Santa start a rock band? Because he wanted to spread good ‘cheer’ all year round!” – Unknown
66. “Christmas calories don’t count. It’s a festive scientific fact!” – Unknown
67. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire hunter? Frostbite slayer!” – Unknown
68. “I’m not saying my Christmas tree is lazy, but it’s been hanging around the same spot for weeks!” – Unknown
69. “Santa’s favorite snack is cookies, but his favorite exercise is ‘jingle bell’ squats!” – Unknown
70. “Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose – it was a chilly day!” – Unknown
71. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… but if the white runs out, I’ll settle for a red or a rosé!” – Unknown
72. “Why did the Christmas turkey join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!” – Unknown
73. “Dear Santa, I can explain last year’s behavior. But this year, I’ve got nothin’!” – Unknown
74. “What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause!” – Unknown
75. “This Christmas, let’s all be like snowflakes – unique, beautiful, and absolutely no two alike!” – Unknown
76. “Why did the elf bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house – and the rooftop!” – Unknown
77. “Christmas shopping rule: Buy a gift for someone that you’d want to receive. That way, if they don’t like it, at least you’ll have something awesome!” – Unknown
78. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a detective? Frosty the Snow-sleuth!” – Unknown
79. “I put my Christmas lights up for adoption. They’re now twinkling in a loving home.” – Unknown
80. “Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He parked in a ‘snow’ parking zone!” – Unknown
81. “Why did Santa’s reindeer form a band? Because they had the sleigh-ing moves!” – Unknown
82. “This Christmas, I’m embracing my inner elf – I may not be tall, but I’ve got the festive spirit!” – Unknown
83. “What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!” – Unknown
84. “Why did the Christmas wreath go to therapy? It had too many hang-ups!” – Unknown
85. “I’m not saying my Christmas cookies are magic, but no one has seen them and Santa in the same room.” – Unknown
86. “Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… said no one ever!” – Unknown
87. “Why did Santa’s workshop switch to sustainable energy? They wanted to go green, not just red and white!” – Unknown
88. “Christmas shopping tip: Wrap gifts as if your sanity depends on it. Spoiler: It probably does!” – Unknown
89. “What’s Santa’s favorite social media platform? Insta-claus!” – Unknown
90. “I asked Santa for a dog for Christmas. Now I have a ‘paw’-fect excuse for my messy house!” – Unknown
91. “Why did Santa take music lessons? Because he wanted to improve his ‘wrap’ skills!” – Unknown
92. “This Christmas, let’s remember the true meaning of the holiday – presents!” – Unknown
93. “Why did the snowman turn to the snowwoman? He was looking for a ‘flake’ that didn’t melt his heart!” – Unknown
94. “What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper! No, not the gift kind, the carol kind!” – Unknown
95. “I’m not a grinch, I’m just ‘green’ with holiday spirit… or maybe it’s just the Christmas tree!” – Unknown
96. “Why did the Christmas tree go to therapy? It had too many issues with self-esteem and ornamentation!” – Unknown
97. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a baker? Frosty the Doughman!” – Unknown
98. “I’m on a seafood diet this Christmas. I see food, and I eat it – especially cookies!” – Unknown
99. “Why did Santa invest in a GPS system? Because his ‘sleigh bells’ were terrible at giving directions!” – Unknown
100. “This Christmas, I’ve decided to be more generous. You’re welcome – I got you a ‘presence’!” – Unknown
101. “Why did the snowman bring a broom to the Christmas party? He wanted to sweep the dance floor!” – Unknown
102. “This Christmas, I’m decorating the tree with glitter and glam. My cat is decorating it with chaos and confusion!” – Unknown
103. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? A frostbite with a bite!” – Unknown
104. “I asked Santa for a six-pack for Christmas. He gave me a cold – close enough!” – Unknown
105. “Dear Santa, this year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Don’t mix them up like you did last year!” – Unknown
106. “Why did Santa bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the rooftop!” – Unknown
107. “I’m not saying Santa is lazy, but I’ve never seen him running – not even for a Black Friday sale!” – Unknown
108. “What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Krisp Kingle!” – Unknown
109. “Why did the ornament go to therapy? It had too many issues with its ‘hanging’ past!” – Unknown
110. “Christmas is like a snowflake – beautiful and fleeting. Unlike my patience in mall parking lots!” – Unknown
111. “Why did Santa start a landscaping business? He wanted to ‘sleigh’ the lawn!” – Unknown
112. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll settle for a sandy beach and a tropical cocktail!” – Unknown
113. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a baker? Frosty the Doughman, rolling in flour!” – Unknown
114. “This Christmas, I’ve decided to be more charitable. I’m giving away my diet plans – nobody wants them anyway!” – Unknown
115. “Why did the Christmas tree get in trouble? It was knotty by nature!” – Unknown
116. “What’s Santa’s favorite game? Sleigh-station!” – Unknown
117. “I put my Christmas presents in the blender. Now I have gift smoothies – the gift that keeps on blending!” – Unknown
118. “Why did Santa join a gym? To work on his ‘bowl full of jelly’ – gotta stay fit for chimney descents!” – Unknown
119. “This Christmas, let’s remember the three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, and he is Santa Claus!” – Unknown
120. “Why did the Christmas ornament go to school? It wanted to be a little ‘brighter’!” – Unknown
121. “What do you call Santa when he loses his pants? Saint Knickerless – ready for a commando Christmas!” – Unknown
122. “I put my Christmas lights on a timer. Now they think they’re in charge!” – Unknown
123. “Why did the Christmas cookie go to therapy? It was feeling ‘crumby’ about its past!” – Unknown
124. “This Christmas, I’m aiming for a silent night. No noisy relatives, just the sound of wrapping paper rustling!” – Unknown
125. “Why did the Christmas tree apply for a job? It wanted to branch out and make a fir-m impact!” – Unknown

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More Funny Christmas Quotes Coming Soon……