125+ Best Funny Christmas Quotes to Brighten Your Holiday Spirits

As we know Christmas is approaching fast and we all are in the mood to enjoy this Christmas even more than the previous one. We want to welcome this Christmas with full joy. Here is the list of 125 Best Funny Christmas Quotes that you can use to induce Santa’s belly laughs.

You can also share our top 125 Best Funny Christmas Quotes with your family and friends and make them enjoy the holiday season even more with our funny Christmas quotes.

125+ Funny Christmas Quotes

  1. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown
  2. “Why is Christmas just like another day at the office? You end up doing all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!” – Anonymous
  3. “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin
  4. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!” – Unknown
  5. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite!” – Unknown
  6. “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
  7. “Christmas is a baby shower that went viral.” – Unknown
  8. “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear… or, you know, just buy everyone chocolate.” – Elf
  9. “The only time of the year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.” – Unknown
  10. “I’m on the naughty list, and I regret nothing!” – Unknown
  11. “Christmas: the only time of the year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.” – Unknown
  12. “The awkward moment when Santa accidentally sees you changing.” – Unknown
  13. “I’m not saying you’re old, but if you were a snowman, I’d be worried about global warming.” – Unknown
  14. “Dear Santa, I can explain.” – Unknown
  15. “I’m not Santa Claus, but you can still sit on my lap.” – Unknown
  16. “This Christmas, give the gift of laughter. It’s the only gift that doesn’t need batteries or assembly!” – Unknown
  17. “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Robert Paul
  18. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown
  19. “Why did Santa go to music school? Because he wanted to improve his wrapping skills!” – Unknown
  20. “The four stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus. 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3. You dress up as Santa Claus. 4. You look like Santa Claus.” – Unknown
  21. “Why did Santa bring a ladder to Christmas? Because he wanted to go up the chimney, not down!” – Unknown
  22. “This Christmas, I’ve decided to put mistletoe in my back pocket. That way, people can kiss my… attitude!” – Unknown
  23. “I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode until after Christmas.” – Unknown
  24. “Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!” – Unknown
  25. “Christmas is the only time of year when people can be convinced that a fat man will come down their chimney and leave presents, but they won’t believe my diet when I tell them!” – Melanie White
  26. “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” – Unknown
  27. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!” – Unknown
  28. “Christmas shopping is a bit like a job: you do all the work, but the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.” – Unknown
  29. “I asked Santa for a fat bank account and a thin body. He thought it was easier to give me another plate of cookies.” – Unknown
  30. “The best Christmas presents come in the most unexpected shapes: boxes, bags, and envelopes labeled ‘gift cards.'” – Unknown
  31. “Why did Santa start a detective agency? Because he was great at ‘claus’ and effect!” – Unknown
  32. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red… wine!” – Unknown
  33. “Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim!” – Unknown
  34. “This Christmas, let’s trade in mistletoe for a GPS. That way, we’ll all get a little holiday direction!” – Unknown
  35. “What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!” – Unknown
  36. “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese – and a cozy spot by the fireplace.” – Unknown
  37. “Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crumby!” – Unknown
  38. “My favorite part of Christmas is the presents… until I have to wrap them!” – Unknown
  39. “What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!” – Unknown
  40. “I’m not saying my family is dysfunctional, but our ‘Christmas card’ could be a mugshot!” – Unknown
  41. “Why did Santa bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!” – Unknown
  42. “This Christmas, I’ve decided to replace all the bulbs with energy-saving ones. That way, I can save enough energy to unwrap all the presents!” – Unknown
  43. “What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!” – Unknown
  44. “Why did Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer never get a parking ticket? Because he was always on the ‘no fly’ list!” – Unknown
  45. “Why did the Christmas cookie go to therapy? It felt crumbled inside.” – Unknown
  46. “Santa’s favorite cereal is ‘Frosted Snowflakes’ because they stay crunchy even in milk – or hot cocoa!” – Unknown
  47. “What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap music!” – Unknown
  48. “I told my family I wanted a unicorn for Christmas. Now I’m sitting on the couch in a onesie – close enough!” – Unknown
  49. “Why did Santa become a gardener? Because he knew how to ‘ho ho ho’ the weeds!” – Unknown
  50. “I accidentally wrapped my cat as a Christmas present. Now I can’t get it to ‘un-purr’!” – Unknown
  51. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite, and a cold sore!” – Unknown
  52. “I asked Santa for a treadmill this Christmas. I guess he misheard because now I have a ‘mistle-toe’!” – Unknown
  53. “Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had low ‘elf’ esteem – and a cold!” – Unknown
  54. “Christmas is the only time of year when you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks – and call it tradition!” – Unknown
  55. “What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!” – Unknown
  56. “Dear Santa, I can explain… but I won’t.” – Unknown
  57. “Why did the Christmas tree apply for a job? It wanted to branch out!” – Unknown
  58. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite and a cold nose!” – Unknown
  59. “I’m not saying my family is crazy, but our Christmas stockings double as straitjackets!” – Unknown
  60. “Why did the ornament go to school? It wanted to be a little brighter!” – Unknown.
  61. “Why did the Christmas tree break up with the ornament? It found someone ‘tinsel’-ating!” – Unknown
  62. “This Christmas, I’m putting myself on the nice list. Naughty just looks so much more fun!” – Unknown
  63. “What do you call Santa when he loses his pants? Saint Knickerless!” – Unknown
  64. “I put my Christmas tree up early this year. Now, the neighbors think I’m a festive overachiever or just really bad at gardening!” – Unknown
  65. “Why did Santa start a rock band? Because he wanted to spread good ‘cheer’ all year round!” – Unknown
  66. “Christmas calories don’t count. It’s a festive scientific fact!” – Unknown
  67. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire hunter? Frostbite slayer!” – Unknown
  68. “I’m not saying my Christmas tree is lazy, but it’s been hanging around the same spot for weeks!” – Unknown
  69. “Santa’s favorite snack is cookies, but his favorite exercise is ‘jingle bell’ squats!” – Unknown
  70. “Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose – it was a chilly day!” – Unknown
  71. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… but if the white runs out, I’ll settle for a red or a rosé!” – Unknown
  72. “Why did the Christmas turkey join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!” – Unknown
  73. “Dear Santa, I can explain last year’s behavior. But this year, I’ve got nothin’!” – Unknown
  74. “What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause!” – Unknown
  75. “This Christmas, let’s all be like snowflakes – unique, beautiful, and absolutely no two alike!” – Unknown
  76. “Why did the elf bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house – and the rooftop!” – Unknown
  77. “Christmas shopping rule: Buy a gift for someone that you’d want to receive. That way, if they don’t like it, at least you’ll have something awesome!” – Unknown
  78. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a detective? Frosty the Snow-sleuth!” – Unknown
  79. “I put my Christmas lights up for adoption. They’re now twinkling in a loving home.” – Unknown
  80. “Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He parked in a ‘snow’ parking zone!” – Unknown
  81. “Why did Santa’s reindeer form a band? Because they had the sleigh-ing moves!” – Unknown
  82. “This Christmas, I’m embracing my inner elf – I may not be tall, but I’ve got the festive spirit!” – Unknown
  83. “What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!” – Unknown
  84. “Why did the Christmas wreath go to therapy? It had too many hang-ups!” – Unknown
  85. “I’m not saying my Christmas cookies are magic, but no one has seen them and Santa in the same room.” – Unknown
  86. “Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… said no one ever!” – Unknown
  87. “Why did Santa’s workshop switch to sustainable energy? They wanted to go green, not just red and white!” – Unknown
  88. “Christmas shopping tip: Wrap gifts as if your sanity depends on it. Spoiler: It probably does!” – Unknown
  89. “What’s Santa’s favorite social media platform? Insta-claus!” – Unknown
  90. “I asked Santa for a dog for Christmas. Now I have a ‘paw’-fect excuse for my messy house!” – Unknown
  91. “Why did Santa take music lessons? Because he wanted to improve his ‘wrap’ skills!” – Unknown
  92. “This Christmas, let’s remember the true meaning of the holiday – presents!” – Unknown
  93. “Why did the snowman turn to the snowwoman? He was looking for a ‘flake’ that didn’t melt his heart!” – Unknown
  94. “What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper! No, not the gift kind, the carol kind!” – Unknown
  95. “I’m not a grinch, I’m just ‘green’ with holiday spirit… or maybe it’s just the Christmas tree!” – Unknown
  96. “Why did the Christmas tree go to therapy? It had too many issues with self-esteem and ornamentation!” – Unknown
  97. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a baker? Frosty the Doughman!” – Unknown
  98. “I’m on a seafood diet this Christmas. I see food, and I eat it – especially cookies!” – Unknown
  99. “Why did Santa invest in a GPS system? Because his ‘sleigh bells’ were terrible at giving directions!” – Unknown
  100. “This Christmas, I’ve decided to be more generous. You’re welcome – I got you a ‘presence’!” – Unknown
  101. “Why did the snowman bring a broom to the Christmas party? He wanted to sweep the dance floor!” – Unknown
  102. “This Christmas, I’m decorating the tree with glitter and glam. My cat is decorating it with chaos and confusion!” – Unknown
  103. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? A frostbite with a bite!” – Unknown
  104. “I asked Santa for a six-pack for Christmas. He gave me a cold – close enough!” – Unknown
  105. “Dear Santa, this year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Don’t mix them up like you did last year!” – Unknown
  106. “Why did Santa bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the rooftop!” – Unknown
  107. “I’m not saying Santa is lazy, but I’ve never seen him running – not even for a Black Friday sale!” – Unknown
  108. “What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Krisp Kingle!” – Unknown
  109. “Why did the ornament go to therapy? It had too many issues with its ‘hanging’ past!” – Unknown
  110. “Christmas is like a snowflake – beautiful and fleeting. Unlike my patience in mall parking lots!” – Unknown
  111. “Why did Santa start a landscaping business? He wanted to ‘sleigh’ the lawn!” – Unknown
  112. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll settle for a sandy beach and a tropical cocktail!” – Unknown
  113. “What do you get if you cross a snowman and a baker? Frosty the Doughman, rolling in flour!” – Unknown
  114. “This Christmas, I’ve decided to be more charitable. I’m giving away my diet plans – nobody wants them anyway!” – Unknown
  115. “Why did the Christmas tree get in trouble? It was knotty by nature!” – Unknown
  116. “What’s Santa’s favorite game? Sleigh-station!” – Unknown
  117. “I put my Christmas presents in the blender. Now I have gift smoothies – the gift that keeps on blending!” – Unknown
  118. “Why did Santa join a gym? To work on his ‘bowl full of jelly’ – gotta stay fit for chimney descents!” – Unknown
  119. “This Christmas, let’s remember the three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, and he is Santa Claus!” – Unknown
  120. “Why did the Christmas ornament go to school? It wanted to be a little ‘brighter’!” – Unknown
  121. “What do you call Santa when he loses his pants? Saint Knickerless – ready for a commando Christmas!” – Unknown
  122. “I put my Christmas lights on a timer. Now they think they’re in charge!” – Unknown
  123. “Why did the Christmas cookie go to therapy? It was feeling ‘crumby’ about its past!” – Unknown
  124. “This Christmas, I’m aiming for a silent night. No noisy relatives, just the sound of wrapping paper rustling!” – Unknown
  125. “Why did the Christmas tree apply for a job? It wanted to branch out and make a fir-m impact!” – Unknown

Related: 300 Best Merry Christmas wishes

More Funny Christmas Quotes Coming Soon……

Leave a Comment